Putin and His Goons Are Gonna Tap That Brain
Stick a fork in it humanity, and slap a Cyrillic “Property of the Ruskies,” on your asses while you’re at it because to put it in the simplest terms, “We’re Fucked.”
But I’m getting ahead of myself.
World Leader and Bond Villain, Vladimir Putin isn’t puttin’ up with any more shit, he’s gone 100% certified gangsta and announced recently that his team of Scientists have created a gun that uses electromagnetic radiation, much like those used in microwaves.
The gun not only produces a burning discomfort similar to the US microwave pain rays, but it’s also capable of mind control. Yes, you read that correctly, Mind FUCKING control.
According to the Australia’s Herald Sun:
“Precise details have not been revealed but previous research has shown that low-frequency waves or beams can affect brain cells, alter psychological states and make it possible to transmit suggestions and commands directly into someone’s thoughts.”
Putin claims the technology is on par with Nuclear weapons in the hardcore category, but more “politically and ideologically acceptable.”
I know this is probably too much to take at this moment, I mean…we all assumed the Zombies were coming after our gens, that’s why we’re dicking around on a Zombie survival website. But who among you ever dreamt the Zombie Uprising would involve a mash-up with the classic 1980’s cinematic gem, Red Dawn.
We might as well be wearing Hard Rock Café t-shirts jamming on our Walkmans because it’s the cold war all over again, shit just got real. Debuting soon at a town near you, a shirtless Vladimir Putin and his Army of Zombies, brains enslaved by microwaves, waiting to do his bidding.
The Russians are coming, motherfuckers and our only chance of survival involves the rotting remains of Patrick Swayze step ball changing back to life. WOLVERINES!