A race baiter who’s quick to jump on any case that displays an African-American as a victim. He’s typically the first to swan dive into a situation despite his lack of any factual evidence, but puzzah! facts are for queers anyway. This’ll usually get his face in front of a camera long enough for the case to build up to the exploding point of the broadcaster’s balls… only to have bullshit called on it, which conveniently happens to be around the same time the media has lost interest in the story.
I picture his haystack hair catching on fire the second he caught wind of the well mannered yet oppressed black zombies being shot at. His only support would be the black community, of which a significant percentage already would rather be fucked with a pineapple than have ol’ cotton candy hair representing them. Contrary to the way he’s portrayed on television, Sharpton has little to no control over the community. Meaning that in the event of the zombie apocalypse, it all boils down to his survival knowledge and physical strength, and… well… just look at the fucking guy. The only chance he has of surviving is riding the back of some white guilt-ridden body builder 3/10
He invented space or some shit.
Take a man that’s able to theorize the workings of a black hole and quantum gravity so well that he actually got a majority of theoretical phisicists, who we all know are nay-saying assholes, to agree with him. Now throw a little anarcho-primitivism in there and said genius only lasts till the battery on his handicap rocket goes whhhhheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeoooooo *beep*. 1/10
Flavor of the week pop star who thinks wearing bad Halloween costumes makes her interesting, or maybe even mysterious. I’ll tell you what’s mysterious, what the fuck is going on with her “no daddy!” area? She either has a dwarfed fuck-stick or a clit big enough to have it’s own clothing line. Don’t get me wrong, i do occasionally enjoy a puss that looks like someone dynamited a calf, but she’s sporting overkill.
The man, the legend, my hero. If i really have to explain to you who he is:
-Close the browser
-Go shit in your hat
Iron Lung Patient
The people who obviously did something to end up #1 on god’s shit list. Seen above is one of them googling “how to kill yourself sans functioning limbs”. It’s not bad enough that your existence is reliant on a wall plug, it’s not bad enough that you’ll be staring at paint chipping off the ceiling for the rest of your life, it’s not bad enough that your family photo requires everyone to duck down next to your head and relentless hours of cropping out 2 tons of steel in photoshop. No, the only thing you have to look forward to is your death and the cost saving funeral as they tuck your head inside your burdensome “hang in there” contraption, duct tape the top and toss you in a hole.
Right when you thought it couldn’t get any worse things start looking up… hm maybe that was a poor choice of words. Of course the iron lung patient is at the bottom of the survival list, but is it such a bad thing? doesn’t turning into a zombie imply you don’t even need most of your vital organs to function? This might be the best thing to happen to our realistic 6-million dollar man. 0/10
I’ll get back to more of these when i find the time later…